Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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