My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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