i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
