The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
I have post one night stand depression
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
