That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize
