On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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