At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
well you can't waste a boner
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
