I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
