sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
