youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
