i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Randomize
