I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Randomize
