just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Randomize
