great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
