Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
