He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
