May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
