you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I wish you could order shots online.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
