Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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