I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
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