I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
