I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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