U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
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