You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Randomize
