I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
