we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
