I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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