How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
