im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
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