i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
