for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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