I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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