You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
