Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Randomize
