i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
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