Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
