you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
