His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Randomize
