I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
you inspire me to be a worse person
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Randomize
