So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I should be sponsored by Trojan
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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