come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I just want nice things and good sex
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
