U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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