I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
