it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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