you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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