Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
