check it out our google latitudes are spooning
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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