quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
