If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
