ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
