it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
