the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
