I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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